Everybody loves each others’ dick and balls: A comedy in two parts

i'd like to start off with a poem; it's very personal

"drinking orange juice and jacking off
is there any other reason to live?
if there is, i haven't found it.
on second thought:
maybe mashed potatoes"

i hope those words strike you as deeply as they do me, the world's own tragically undiscovered genius.

it's so cold outside, and inside too sometimes. i find myself haunting the supermarkets here, staring into the blotchy red faces of my adopted countrymen. trailing behind the muslim dress of the faceless faithful as i scour the shelves for cheap cereal and pop tarts. i wait for the moment i carelessly slip on one of their outfits, like a clown on a banana peel.

cue laugh track and applause, erupting cannisters of tear gas.

this is maggie, my temporary roommate